In Her Own Words - Ana Pineda

Social Abuse Podcast 

In this episode, Vanessa sits down with Ana Pineda for a candid conversation about her life before, during, and after homelessness. Ana opens up about how she arrived at that season, how addiction entered the picture, and what it cost her and her five children. 

She shares the turning point that led her to get clean, what it means to still be standing in a home of her own, and the loss, restoration, and struggle that shaped her journey. Through it all, Ana holds on to what kept her believing even when everything was still uncertain. 

This is a conversation about the parts of homelessness we don't always see: the mothering through crisis, the fight to get clean, and what it takes to keep standing on the other side. 

Rehab Facility that Ana completed: La Casa Ujima  904 Mellus St. Martinez , CA 94553 Phone: 925-229-0230

Also mentioned in this episode  - Bay Area Rescue Mission 200 Mac Donald Ave Richmond CA 94801 Phone: 510-215-4868

Transcript

Speaker 3 0:06

Welcome back to the social abuse podcast. I am your host, Vanessa A. Callaway, and this is episode eight. Can you believe it? Episode eight. So in last um, in the last episode titled Staying on Your Feet, I introduced you to two families. One of the families, I didn't mention their name because at the time I hadn't had their permission. But today, I am so honored to be able to introduce this lovely lady. Um, and so we just gonna we're gonna get right into it, okay? We're gonna get right, and so I have the honor of introducing you to Miss Ana. Ana Pineda Pineda, because I always butcher her name. Um, Anna Pineda. So I met Ana in 2022. Where do we meet Ana?

Speaker 1 1:12

Castro Encampment.

Speaker 3 1:14

The Castro Encampment. And so you all, you're gonna hear where she's at today, but I want Ana to share with us her journey. I want you to understand, like I've told you in previous episodes, our homeless brothers and sisters, that's just the situation that they're in. That's not who they are. And so, and everyone's story is different. And so Ana is here today to share with us her story. So, Ana, how did you end up at Castro? I know a lot of people call it Camperland, right? Okay. How did you end up there?

Speaker 1 1:58

Um uh I lost my apartment. Okay, and um it was it was going through hell. I had never gone through nothing like that. And I had my kid, my children with me, and my grandson, okay, and my son, and my other daughter, which was sick at the time, and um all of a sudden they just boarded up my place, and I ended up um my son went with my daughter, and uh my daughter went to my mom's. Okay, and then um it was like getting too crowded in there, so I ended up uh being um homeless with my an in-law of mine, which she had a camper, a trailer, and um we were first parking it out of uh parkway, and uh, but we kept getting moved moved by the city or the police would come by. And so then my son said, Hey, maybe you both um can come over there and maybe talk to them and see if they'll let you guys park your trailer in there. So we did that.

Speaker 3 2:57

So when you say come in there, you're speaking of Camperland. Camperland. Okay, and so let's back up a little bit because I apologize. I forgot you had multiple children. So in the last episode, I just mentioned the three that I personally have met: your oldest son, and then your two younger children. How many more children do you have? How many in total? Total five. She has okay, so you have five kids. What are their ages?

Speaker 1 3:22

Um, 41, 37, uh, 27, um, 18, no, 20 and um 18.

Speaker 3 3:33

Okay, okay, and so you the 18-year-old is the one that got accepted into Fresno State. Okay, and we'll talk a little bit more about that. So your oldest son is living at Castro. Yes, he was, and he says, see if they'll let you come. And so for those that are listening, when he says they, he's not talking about like the city or an organization, he's talking about those that are actually living there because they were very territorial, correct? Yes, okay, go ahead.

Speaker 1 4:04

Yes, and um, so we did that. We came and talked to them and um not saying no names, but um, yeah, and they said, Oh, sure, but uh we have heard that we're getting ready to be moved out. But we said, well, anytime we'll do as long as we don't get it um towed away or something. So we did that, we moved it in, we went and cleared up the area, moved it, um, moved her home in, and yeah, everything was okay.

Speaker 3 4:34

So let's back up though a little bit, Ana. So let's go back to the apartment that you were living in before you became homeless. Um did you come, did you get backed up on rent? Were you working? Like, can you let us know, like, give us context? Like, how did you end up on the street?

Speaker 1 4:54

Well, it was a lot going on that had been going on, and it was like the office uh people were really trying to get um trying to get me up out of there because I had been in contact with uh somebody in the city and they had I had brought them all the information because it was police reports of um not saying no names but uh abuse to from uh one of the guards from there from the townhouses and um that was sexual abuse to one of my children. Okay, and um so they really were trying to get rid of me.

Speaker 3 5:29

So it was retaliation, it sounds like okay, yes, okay.

Speaker 1 5:32

And so then uh at the end there was somebody from the city uh which was very helpful to me and was fighting for me not to get a bit the eviction, but then at the end I just ended up giving up. Okay, because I said it was just too much I had to keep my children inside. I would tell them to stay inside Monday through Friday until after five, they could come out and play. Okay. Because of that, because they were uh sending me uh um notices of things that my kids were not doing, like throwing mud balls to the um ceiling of the um hallways, and I knew that that now that had not happened. And things like that until I just said, you know what, I just this is just not a place for me to be and be doing this to my children and be leaving them inside until f after five, you know, or only Saturdays and Sundays, whatever time. Yes. So and so you came home and everything was boarded up, everything was boarded up, and um at that time I it was in the beginning of um my addiction. Okay, yes, and so I just ended up just saying, you know what, I I give up. Okay.

Speaker 3 6:41

The beginning of your addiction, um what caused you to turn to drugs? What was your drug of choice?

Speaker 1 6:50

Um meth.

Speaker 3 6:51

Meth, okay. What what led you in that direction?

Speaker 1 6:56

It was a whole stress of the situation of the apartment building, um, my father's death to begin with. Um he's just like I felt it was just too much, and then one thing led to another, and I just ended up.

Speaker 3 7:10

So some did someone introduce it to you or okay. Yes, okay. That's a lot. Yes, it is. That's a lot, and so fast forward to 2022 at Castro, I meet you, um, and you you stay to yourself a little bit, and I was like, she's the lady that cleaned, she made for sure her area is clean, right? Um, and we had our moments. Um we had our moments, um, but I didn't I didn't have proof that there was an addiction, right? Not for you, right? Um, but you worked through it. What was it like having an organization like ours and other organizations come onto Castro's property to offer services?

Speaker 1 8:03

Well, in the beginning it was like, oh no, they're just here to try and um you know get us up out of here. So that was the say-so about everybody there. And um, but then I said, Well, I mean, if we just keep on going like this, and we're just gonna end up just everybody has to go their separate ways. The city's gonna come in and uh get rid of all this, so I said we might as well just try and see what's the best thing that they could help us with. Did you think support did you feel supported during that time? Yeah, it wasn't the beginning, I'm not gonna lie. At the beginning, I I was not. Okay. I didn't feel like you know it was a good thing. Like I was like, oh, they're just here to you know get us up out of here. But then as time went by, you know, I started seeing that you know the help was there. Okay. Yes.

Speaker 3 8:47

Okay. Um, then you move. You move into you're in a three-bedroom, correct? No, first I moved to the um across from the church.

Speaker 1 9:00

Uh-huh.

Speaker 3 9:01

Okay. So um we had partnerships with various landlords and um different property owners here in Richmond. And there is a shelter um that's connected to, well, it's across the street from Independent Community Church. That's the one, correct? And so, how was that for you?

Speaker 1 9:22

Oh, it was beautiful. Okay. It was very, very nice. Um, what made it nice?

Speaker 3 9:27

Because a lot of times people don't hear a shelter is nice. Right. Right. And so people typically don't want to go to shelters for various reasons. What was different about this one?

Speaker 1 9:39

It was just um it was a warm welcoming. And um first of all, I wanted to get my my children, my two minor children with me, back with me. And so they they had that um for them there to be feeling comfortable and trying to bring them back with me. And um it was a nice time, and the people there were very, very, very nice. They're really welcoming.

Speaker 3 10:05

You know what just came to mind, and I remember you all being there and me working with your now current landlord, right? And him getting trying to get the apartment together, dragging his feet a little bit. Yes. And so I'm the middle person, and I'm like, well, he's saying not now, but it's it's yours, and you know, and so I'm going back and forth and I'm trying to keep you all informed, but because of the history, not just necessarily with us, but your children, because of the trauma that they had experienced, there was a lack of trust, right?

Speaker 1 10:45

Oh yes.

Speaker 3 10:46

And so, one, they don't know who this Miss Vanessa lady is. Um, they know what mom has gone through. So it's like, are you are you sure? Right, kind of thing. And they wasn't believing that I was telling them the truth about, and so I remember getting a text message from one of your minor children and was like, um, this is Ana's, and I won't say their name. Are we really moving? And it's funny now, but my heart was like, oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 11:21

Yes, right.

Speaker 3 11:22

And I remember coming to the shelter and sitting down and saying, Hey, I am doing everything that I can, you know, I'm keeping you guys. And so I gave them permission to text me, and they would text me, what's going on? What's going on, right? And so my mom said this, that, and the other. Um, and then it got to a point where I knew you all were frustrated and I was getting overwhelmed. And I didn't want you to feel like I was playing games. And I know I don't control other people's feelings, but I tried my best to diffuse any disbelief or mistrust. So I remember calling Robert and was like, you keep changing this date. I need you to meet me at the shelter. And remember, he came because I wanted them to hear it from him, right? Um, and so now we're here and you moved. And what was that like?

Speaker 1 12:20

In the beginning, it was like, well, we like our new place, but we miss that place, the church, the shelter, because they liked it so much, and oh, we we miss the people there and everything. And um they also my kids kept going to the church there because they were in that program. The summer program. The summer program, and my daughter just they loved it there. Yes, it was it was real nice, and we still continue to go there. We um not as often, but yeah, we've been back and very welcoming. Yes, and um getting into the apartment, well, it was nice because then my kids were like, Wow, we're really here, you know. So maybe my mom is now, you know, starting to yeah, things are changing, so it was it was nice. Um, did it feel overwhelming for you?

Speaker 3 13:11

Like because I know parents sometimes will mask and make it make try to make their kids feel like everything is okay, right? But you're still wrestling with things on the inside. And so, although you weren't on the streets anymore and you weren't in the shelter anymore, and now you're in your own apartment and your own space, what thoughts went through your head when the house was quiet at night and it was just you?

Speaker 1 13:38

It was like it was unbelievable. It was like, wow, this you know, these people really pulled through. And it was nice, and then um came the time when I said, Okay, you know, time is just passing by and I'm not doing no changes, and I'm not taking advantage of this time that has been given to me. And I said, I need to do some changes for myself.

Speaker 3 14:02

Okay, but before you got to that point, were there ever moments where you thought when the program ended, what you were gonna do, did that ever become overwhelming in the thought process or no?

Speaker 1 14:14

Oh, yes, yes, it did. Um, but at the time then it was, but then I would be like, I was still, you know, it might use some drugs, so I'll be like, oh let me just I'll just forget about it for right now, you know. And time just been flying by.

Speaker 3 14:28

So you moved in. So were you using drugs frequently when you got there? Oh yes, okay, okay. Um, so I shared in the last episode of Baby Girl getting her hair done. Oh, yeah. Um, that was her second year coming. Because the first year you were still home. Um, and then the second year, and she shared that you had went to rehab. Can you take us down that journey? Like, what was the turning point for you that said, okay, enough is enough?

Speaker 1 15:01

Well, um, I was there one day, and then I was uh my daughter was really not talking to me, my third one. Okay, and because she had not talked to me in over a year, then you want to share why she wasn't talking to you? Um, because we had I had gone to a rehab in the city in San Francisco, and then I oh I just couldn't take it anymore. And so I ended up at the castoring cabin again.

Speaker 3 15:27

Okay, so when you say you couldn't take it anymore, what couldn't you take in rehab?

Speaker 1 15:31

Um the the feelings, I mean the the withdrawals, I guess. And so that led me to go back to my addiction. Okay. And um, and I left the program, of course. And yeah, that was so my daughter said, you know what? Okay, you got out of the program. I don't really want to know nothing about you. I was not able to go to my grandson's first birthday. I was not invited. And um even though my my baby girl told me, Come on, mom, you're the grandma. You could go, you don't need an invitation. I said, Yes, I do. So I felt that, you know, um, and she wouldn't talk to me at all since then. So that really I was broken and uh was hurt, but still I was not leaving my addiction.

Speaker 3 16:21

Okay, so you were broken, you were hurt, but you but the addiction still had a grip on you, right? Um knowing that your adult daughter severed ties with you and said, because you've chosen what you want, you've chosen the drugs over us, pretty much is what she said, right? Um was there anything in you or were you so into your addiction, it was like, I hear you, but I'm still gonna go get high.

Speaker 2 16:53

Yeah, yes.

Speaker 3 16:54

Okay, okay.

Speaker 1 16:56

Um because really I didn't want to chase the reality of everything. So I was just that's what would um make me just forget about my everything that was going on and everything that I would was going through, and I didn't want to feel my feelings.

Speaker 2 17:12

Okay.

Speaker 3 17:13

So that's a good point, right? So the drugs were there to numb everything that you were feeling. Yes. Um because you mentioned your father passed away. Um now is your father was he here locally or was he out of the country?

Speaker 1 17:32

No, um he was in San Francisco when he passed away.

Speaker 3 17:35

Okay. Um have you dealt with that since?

Speaker 1 17:40

Oh yes, yes, and it's been very it's been very hard to come up. I'm sorry. No, you're fine. Um to start um because when I went first to the program, that's the first thing that they said, okay, what's been bothering you? Why are you crying so much? I said, well, maybe because and um it was a very good program that um I had a um therapist there. Okay, yes, and um they made me feel you know, brought me things out that I didn't want to bring out from when I was like seven years old. Okay. Things that happened to me that I didn't I had not brought them out. And so they started bringing it out, and then my father dying, and I had not cried him, and then the way it was he died in his sleep. And so it just shocked me to hear about that. And so that's where yeah, when I came back from burying him, I took him, I I took him all the way to Central America to bury him with his mother.

Speaker 3 18:40

Because that's where you're from, right?

Speaker 1 18:41

Your family is from and so I was able to take him, flew him back home, buried him where he wanted to be buried. And um when I got back, that's when the addiction started.

Speaker 3 18:52

Okay. And so this last time, because y'all, Anna's been clean for two years now.

Speaker 2 18:58

Yes.

Speaker 3 18:59

So this last time going to rehab, um, what drew you there? What was the turning point? Like, I'm fed up, I'm tired of being tired. Like, what was Anna's I'm gonna do this?

Speaker 1 19:12

Um, one of the things was I sat there. I was supposed to go and um babysit my grandson, and my daughter was lightweight talking to me then, and then I said, you know what? I said, I'm tired of this. I'm not doing nothing. Look how many years it's been by since we've been out of the encampment, and I have not done nothing, no change, and time is just flying by. So it was like two days before I said, Okay, I'm gonna do whatever I have to do, throw everything away and go visit in the that time away to go uh babysit my grandson, that's gonna be my clean time. Okay, so I did that, and then um um I I actually told my daughter too, and I said, you know what, I got something to tell you. Like when it was almost time for me to end the time that I was there to babysit him three weeks. Oh wow, okay. Yeah, so almost at the end I told her, I said, you know what, I feel guilty and I have something to tell you. And I said, when I came here to babysit the baby, um, I said, I brought me a pipe, meth. And I said, but I turned around that day after she came back. That first day she came back from work, and I told her, I said, I'll be back, I'm gonna go for a walk. I said, Okay, mom. So I went down the street and had a garbage can. I threw my pipe away and I threw the meth.

Speaker 2 20:34

Okay.

Speaker 1 20:35

Everything, and I said, you know what? This is the end of it.

Speaker 2 20:37

Okay.

Speaker 1 20:38

I said, I have I was not born with this, so I don't need it. So I threw it away and I went back to the house, but I told her, I said, uh have to tell you, but I haven't used it since I've been here in your house. I said, because I felt like I could not disrespect my grandson like that. Yeah, so she's like, okay, thank you, mom, for being honest with me. And that's she says, and I really appreciate that. So that started building more trust with her. Right. And then I asked her that day. I said, you know what? Can you do me a favor? And I said, I need help. I said, I need your help to start and go to a program. And so she helped me. She I said, um, and then I started talking to um my ex that I was out had been out there in the addiction with, and I knew that he had been clean for a year then. So um I reached out to him and I told him, I said, you know what, I want to go to a program. And he gave me all the information. He's like, you know what? Actually, talk to this person and this person and just tell them this, this, this, and they'll they'll do they'll do you for you. That's so you had to go about it. And I said, Okay, thank you. She's like, You serious? You really want to do this? And I said, I'm I'm I'm so fed up of this. He's like, Nah, I don't believe you because of the First time there I had relapsed and so I took all the information down and I called them and they told me where to go to and what day to be there, and which was um it was like three or four days before I ended my time of watching the baby. But um, but she told me, you know what, mom, uh that's good. She's like, if they put you that date, uh it's uh it's okay. I'll just go, I just you know, we'll go um earlier about the time and I'll just get the babysitter. And I said, Well, okay. So she's uh and she took the day off when it came that day. She took the day off. She she cooked me breakfast, she took me to the place where we were supposed to meet. And they picked me up from the bark station, and um we just said our goodbyes, and I knew that I was not gonna be able to contact her within you know like a like uh month that I had to be with no no no contact. So she just said, Okay, mama, she's like, I'm proud of you, and just do you and I will let you know everybody know that you know you're you can be in contact. So yeah, time went by, but it was it was very hard. It was hard. What was the hardest part? The hardest part was on my second day of being there. Of course, I was not used to being in a place, you know, with nose uh everybody strange to me. And um I had a situation with um one of the uh the people that lived in there, which she was having, I guess, mental issues. And she thought, because we had been talking, and um she said, Oh, so you have an ex-boyfriend that is he's black, you said, and I said, Yes. And so after that, she started to push me around, and it was like, I don't know, she I guess she thought that I was there to keep an eye on her, that I was sent there by her ex-paranoia kind of.

Speaker 3 24:03

Yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 24:04

So she started pushing me around, and then um I told the people in the office, and so they changed me from room. Okay, because we were in the same room as her. But she was like, one night she just kept watching me all night, and she was standing right there by my bed. And so I told them, and so they moved me out of that room, and then she went looking for me that night, and she couldn't find me. But the only room that she did not go to was where there was a baby and the mom there, and so that's the room that they had placed me in with her. So um then in the morning time came, and I went and I told them that she had been looking for me. Um they they told her she had to go, and she was almost about to graduate out of there. Yes, and so they told her that she had to go, and um, we were having breakfast, and I was sitting on a table, and all of a sudden I just feel this hot coffee on my face. She came and she threw hot coffee on my face. Oh yes, and then everybody got up and was trying to go after her, and then I just stood, you know, I just put my head down and I and I started wiping my face, and I said, I'm not gonna let her, I'm not gonna let her get me put out. And I said, because I wanted to get up and go grab her. And I said, I'm not, this is not gonna happen. I said, I'm not gonna lose my room. I said, this is my time to be here, and I'm not gonna lose it. So then I just sat there and I just rocked myself, you know, trying to calm me down. And um, so the ambulance came and everything, and that I almost had a heart attack that day. Really? Yes, that's how much I held my anger inside and not do nothing. So the ambulance came and they told me my blood pressure was up high, and so I had to go in and um yeah, find come to find out my blood pressure was kind of high from that day. So then um after that, I mean everything was good. And I said, okay, I'm here to stay. Okay, yes.

Speaker 3 26:04

Wow, Ana. Yes, um, and just thinking about everything that you just shared with us, um, it made me think about help, right? You said heart attack, high blood pressure, and I'm sure that situation had a lot to do with that, but I'm thinking too the years of damage that of you using, yes, right, and like how God spared you.

Speaker 1 26:31

Yes. Wow. Yes, and they did tell me because um they said from the very first time that I went, they told me that you know, stopping like that just all of a sudden, you know, it's a good thing. Oh, cold turkey without winging off. It does the damage to you. And they even tried putting me some um some medication there at the house, but I refused it. I didn't want to be on nothing because they gave me some antidepressants while they were there, and it just made me it just numbed everything, but it was like I couldn't cry, I couldn't feel my emotions, and I didn't like that.

Speaker 3 27:02

So, would it be fair to say you were finally at a point where you wanted to feel right?

Speaker 1 27:07

Yes, you wanted to feel and so wow. Um they said everybody was telling me that I looked like a robot just walking around the house. Really?

Speaker 3 27:16

I had no smiling or nothing. Did they go into detail of the damage stopping cold turkey would do? And that's just for the listener, because it may be some listening, because you know, everyone have their idea of well, won't they just stop, or you know, this, that, and the other, and so, but it's not just that cutting dry, right? Did they say what the damage of just stopping could have done?

Speaker 1 27:43

Yes, they said I could have um had a heart attack, which I almost got there, and they could have um that it's not good to do it just cold turkey like that because it does um so many years of use, then it takes that effect on your heart, your blood pressure, or any any other organs. Okay.

Speaker 3 28:05

So we're gonna take a pause for a moment from your personal story. And I have listeners that there's one particular listener, um Tracy, when I first launched the podcast, she said, I can't wait to hear from those who actually have experienced it, right? Because a lot of times in our society, we hear from advocates and people, but to hear from the person who's actually walked through it, right? And so when you are walking the streets and living on the streets, and we talked before we start recording a little bit about being invisible, right? And how treatment from certain people would be. Can you share a little bit how people who weren't homeless um made you feel?

Speaker 1 28:57

Um, yes. Um came a time when uh had an experience just not too long ago. Okay, with um the housing project now that it's in charge of the what used to be at the Castro Encampment.

Speaker 3 29:17

So it paused there. So what Anna is referring to, I've shared with you all ERF one and two. So encampment resolution one was the grant funding that the city of Richmond received to provide housing, whether it was apartments, shared housing, temporary housing for those living at the Castro encampment. And those services were for up to a year. Um, gratefully, more money was able to come in, and some were extended for various reasons, but we won't go into that. And so because things have shifted and like Way 2 Love is no longer working with ERF2 or ERF one, um, other people have come in the city have positioned different people to now um be your point of contact, so to speak, right? Um and that was honestly what I struggled with when I was leaving because I left for many reasons, and I'll share it in a later episode. But one of the things I told my therapist, I was like, the people that they're gonna bring in, they're not gonna love them and treat them right. And she was like, that's not your responsibility. Yes. And I'm like, but I call them my brothers and sisters, right? Um, and so continue on with now you're interacting with the city of Richmond. Because she worked for the city, the person you were just referring to.

Speaker 1 30:49

Um, I really don't even have that much information on this person, and I haven't even met her face to face. Okay. She just contacted me uh uh through the phone, and um but since the beginning she started being very disrespectful.

Speaker 3 31:09

And when you say disrespectful, is it her tone? Is it condescending? Like, what do you mean when you say disrespectful?

Speaker 1 31:17

She started making accusations. That's how her conversation of mine started. She said, Well, uh we've been trying to reach out to you, and you haven't gotten we haven't contacted you. And I said, Well, um, talk to me right now. And she said, Um, yes, we went looking for you at your house and um we knocked. I see, she said, I banged on the door and everything, and you did not come out. And and your landlord was there too, and he said he had just seen you walk past. So I went knocking and you did not answer your door. And I said, Well, maybe I wasn't there. She said, Um, yes, you were, because um the owner said that you had he had just seen you pass by. And I said, like I said, I maybe I wasn't there because I said I be um I don't come home till really late because I'm working in the city. And um she said, Well, yes, you were there because your gray car was in the driveway, and um he did say your landlord did say that that was your vehicle. And I said, Well, my that's not my vehicle. My my vehicle is not that description, not even the color that you're saying. She said, Oh, well, um if you say so, and I said, Excuse you? And then she started making other accusations like the other day when we came and there was the the fire here in the apartment, and um you had a cord, uh a cord running to your place, and I said, Yes, because when they had to come back and turn on the power, they said they couldn't do it manually because the place had been burned out, other apartments. So I said, So there was my apartment um without PG&E. So then um I had told um his the landlord's helper, his assistant, and he said, Oh, well, I could hook up uh uh an extension cord until you get yours turned back on. And you should have told me before. And I said, Okay, well, thank you. So we did that, and then she tried saying that I had illegally gone into the apartment that um that was empty at the time, and I had uh plugged in my extension cord and had ran it out to my apartment. So I told her, I said, So you're accusing me of going into an apartment that's empty illegally. And I said, That's not me no more. And I said, and like I said, I've been at work all day. I don't come home till like seven or eight at night. I said, and yes, the cord was there, put on, but I said, but you need to talk to the landlord's helper or have him talk to him. I said, because he's the one that plugged it in. So then um she's she started saying that I was lying, that um that I was not being um truthful to her, and I said, I don't have no reason to be lying to you.

Speaker 3 33:57

And so again, this is someone that you've never met in person.

Speaker 1 33:59

I never met her in the past. And this is just over the phone till the day I still haven't met this person. Okay, and then she's telling me that I needed to send in some uh some of my pay stubs so they can know what my earnings are and that that. And I said, Well, I said, Okay, well, I'll see about it. But then I thought about wait a minute, I don't even know who this person is. Right, and what organization she's a part of. Yeah, and I said, So I knew I had heard that she was trying to um help my son get into an apartment and that. I said, but I still don't haven't even met her. Okay, or don't even know nothing about her. So who am I gonna be sending this my personal information to and why?

Speaker 3 34:38

So can I make a recommendation? Um, Jesus is still working with the ERF too, and he should be able to direct you to the proper person. Um, and you can share with him who she is, the name, her name, and phone number, and he can tell you if she's a part of the program. Okay, that way you've done your part, and they won't have no reason to say that you're not in compliance or anything like that. I'm sorry that's been your experience. Um, I know when you we talked recently, um rent and being able to afford it has become a challenge. So, just so you all know, Anna is working, as you heard her say, she don't come home till in the evening, and so she's working in San Francisco, and I'm so proud of you.

Speaker 1 35:31

Thank you so much.

Speaker 3 35:32

Like literally getting that Facebook message from you, my heart just leaped for joy, and I appreciate you reaching out, letting me know that you were doing well and sharing the pictures and just because I do care. Yes, I do. I do care. Um, and so I mentioned in the last episode that although she's working, although she's still on her feet in her apartment, we're in California for those of you that are out of state, and our rent is extremely, extremely high. Um, and it's beginning to weigh on you.

Speaker 1 36:11

Oh, yes.

Speaker 3 36:12

Weigh on you. So would you say the money that you're bringing in is equivalent to what your rent is? Is less than what your rent is? Is it half?

Speaker 1 36:22

Like well, now it's less. Okay. It was uh time because I just had to let one of my um people go because of the violence of the person, whatever. Um but yes, so my hours had decreased. Okay. Um, so um right now it's like half of the yeah, how was it? How much is your rent? Well, there they uh the owner said that it would be 3,000. Okay. Because it's a three-bedroom.

Speaker 3 36:54

And the city isn't paying anymore, right?

Speaker 1 36:56

No.

Speaker 3 36:57

Okay. And so your rent is three thousand dollars, and on average, how much money are you bringing in?

Speaker 1 37:04

Um about twelve, twelve hundred. Okay.

Speaker 3 37:12

So are you currently behind on your rent?

Speaker 1 37:15

Well, um, the last time that this um worker from the city, the one I haven't met, she contacted me and she said, Well, we made the arrangements to pay the um these backed up um months. And I said, What do you mean backed up months? Because I didn't know that it had been since the program ended, she said back in November, December. And um she said, so we paid all that money up to now, so now it's just this month that I'm backed up on.

Speaker 3 37:49

Okay, okay. Um and so, and I know she made it sound like they did you a favor, which we're grateful that they held up their portion, but they were behind on paying, let's just be clear. Right, right. Right, they were supposed to be paying monthly and they were not.

Speaker 1 38:05

Right. And then I was in contact with the owner and he was bringing me up to date. But then after those situations, um, I was in very good contact with the owner until that um that uh worker uh me and her got into it. Then that's when I stopped talking to the owner also. But we were in very good communication with him. I was helping him trying to keep you know the peace on the apartments and stuff. But after that, I said, you know what? Okay, he's in cahoots with her too.

Speaker 3 38:36

So that stopped me from staying in contact with him and continue to stay in contact, just use wisdom, right? Um, and because it becomes business, right? He knows if she is with the city, that's where his money comes from. And he has other people and other properties that they're paying rent for, from what I understand, still, right? Right. And so he's not, as my grandmother would say, he ain't gonna bite the hands that's feeding him. So he's gonna be in cahoots with her, with them, um, but still do your best to remain a professional, kind, cordial relationship with him. Um, because there may be some bartering that can take place, meaning you keep up you clean. Because I know at one point you was when I would come with the food, you was making for sure everybody else was getting their groceries and their food and you know, kick keeping it clean around there. Um, and so that's something to consider and to think about. Um, and then also talking to Jesus because the city has other programs that are preventive, right? Eviction preventive. And so and I'm sure you qualify. Okay. Um, and I share this with you, Anna, because um, when we started talking and you talked about becoming overwhelmed, right? I don't want that to become a cycle for you, right? Right. I don't want the weight of the world and the possibility of losing your place to take you back. Right. Right. Um, and so I want you to use your resources. I want you to reach out if if if things get hard and you have in those moments, right? You can call. You don't have to go through it by yourself. Okay. Um, and I because I know, because here's what I learned in working with all of you at Castro, because it wasn't just a learning experience for you all, it was a learning experience for me, um, as well as working with the city in that capacity. I had to understand everyone doesn't have the same compassion that I do, right? Or the understanding, it's let's get the job done. And my thought was no, they need help, right? Because when they were putting people in place, it was like, okay, but what about the PGE? What about groceries? What about, right? And so me and Michelle would bring these things up in meetings, and um, and so when you're working with city officials and different program people, keeping in mind, although in a perfect world, it would be great if they had empathy and compassion and the utmost of respect, but everyone won't. Right. And so it's for you to just be like, okay, I get it, right? But this is what I need, and making for sure like you're documenting everything, making for sure you're getting their emails. Um, and so after a phone conversation, that you're and it's funny, I'm thinking of this and I'm reflecting back to staying on your feet, you know, how we used to get together monthly, and we would share these different tools, but some people have been binging all night, and so some of the information that was being shared, they not keeping that information, right? And so, but I just want you to know that you're not in this by yourself, even in the moments where it feels like you are, and I know that I'm not involved like that, but you still got my support. Thank you. Okay, you still you still have my support. So now, Anna, you're on your own still, you're in your place, you're working, you have all your kids. Uh the picture, let's talk about Christmas in that Christmas picture. What emotions did you feel having your entire family?

Speaker 1 42:45

Yes, my all my children and their kids. So being able to have um and having my grandson back. Oh my god, it was beautiful.

Speaker 42:57

Okay, yeah.

Speaker 3 42:59

Um, you all were at your house, or you were at your house? Okay.

Speaker 1 43:03

They all decided to come there and their husbands, boyfriends, and the kids.

Speaker 3 43:09

Was that something that you had dreamed of and prayed for and thought of while you were in rehab or anything, or it was just like, okay, this is good.

Speaker 1 43:18

Oh no, no, no. I had um, especially with um getting my grandson back. Okay, that was like something from even from before I went to rehab. I was always like, oh my god, I'm gonna ever see him again. And that so this Christmas it was it was beautiful.

Speaker 3 43:35

When did he come home? Because I remember that journey.

Speaker 1 43:38

Yes, he came home on uh Father's Day. So it's been a year. Yes, yes, yes, and I did um share the pictures of when he got to the airport. The the CPS worker um flew with him, flew him home, and um, and I was able to view make a video of him coming home and that's all. Welcome.

unknown 44:00

Okay.

Speaker 1 44:01

Yeah.

unknown 44:01

Okay.

Speaker 3 44:02

And so his dad have been clean now for a year. Yes.

Speaker 1 44:06

Um a little bit, a little bit. No. He's been in um over two years now. Oh, over. More than me.

Speaker 3 44:14

Wonderful. I'm so proud of. I haven't seen him.

unknown 44:18

I have.

Speaker 3 44:19

And it's funny because I'm all the way around.

Speaker 1 44:21

But he's um he's just basically at his place and going to work. Okay. Because he's still doing the same job.

Speaker 3 44:29

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Speaker 1 44:31

But he's real, real big.

Speaker 3 44:34

He's eating. Yes. He's eaten. He's not a binge or anything. Yes. And so to look very different. He does. Yes. Okay. So to the listeners out there, um this is just one of many success stories. Um to the people, it may be someone that's unhoused right now that's listening. Um what would you like to say to them?

Speaker 1 45:03

Um that um I just feel, especially the people that I see now that used to be, you know, I used to be within the encampment. Um, I feel so bad. And I wish I could just help everybody, but I know it's impossible. And um and I would like to tell them that, you know, just to keep your hopes up and just try and do better for the future, because we're all getting older, we're not getting any younger. And that it does pay off.

Speaker 3 45:35

What pays off?

Speaker 45:36

Um, the doing things right, um God is good.

Speaker 3 45:44

God is good.

Speaker 45:45

God is very good.

Speaker 3 45:46

Do you think you could have done it without God?

Speaker 45:48

Um, no, no, no.

Speaker 3 45:50

So people that are in denial, what would you say to them?

Speaker 1 46:00

Um that I mean, you're time is passing by and you're not lying to nobody else but yourself. Okay.

Speaker 2 46:07

Yeah.

Speaker 3 46:08

Now, there's different models, and we've talked about it here on the podcast, like the housing first. And so I want to ask you, because you're someone who's experienced homelessness, addiction, um, social abuse in different capacities along your journey. Are you familiar with what housing first is? Before I go into the question with the housing? So the housing first method says everyone deserves housing, which we agree, um, but it's without parameters, so to speak. So I can't say we're gonna put you into housing, but if we find out that you're using, you can choose inpatient or outpatient, but we want you to get some services and some help. Um, services don't have to be provided. You can just put people into housing, right? So from living the experience, and I know some people felt some kind of way about me because I'm like, well, no, you need to do this, you need to do that. And we put you in housing, and it wasn't like punitive or anything, but there's still like some well, housing first say I can live here and I don't have to do anything. Do you feel like that's conducive to someone literally getting better and getting on their feet?

Speaker 1 47:31

Yes, it is.

Speaker 3 47:32

Yes, and I so you think I want to make sure you're understanding what I'm asking. You think putting people in houses without saying you need to do inpatient or outpatient or you need to have case management um while you're in your place, you think we should just put people in housing with no services?

Speaker 1 47:54

No.

Speaker 3 47:54

Okay, why not?

Speaker 1 47:56

Because um we need to some people are not we're not all the same. And like me, it took me a while to sit there and think about my family and that that was not me, and that I needed help. But there's other people that they just won't do it on their own. And they're, you know, I mean, this um addiction is a lot more stronger than you are. And um I think it's it it would be very helpful to have. Because there's I mean, a lot of us that were there in that are still in the same situation and are not trying to, you know, sometimes you do you do need that help, you need that push into um, well, if not you don't get no housing. And I think that a lot of people there will be some changes.

Speaker 3 48:48

You think so?

Speaker 2 48:49

Yes.

Speaker 3 48:50

So um, I can't remember off the top of my head, and so you have to remind me when we began offering therapy for free. Did you take advantage of those services?

Speaker 49:01

No, I did not.

Speaker 3 49:02

Okay. No, I didn't I didn't think so. Um, but do you want to share why?

Speaker 1 49:06

Um well, I wasn't I was I didn't want to get involved, and I thought that maybe uh by going into that therapy that they would be able to communicate with the housing people, and so that's why I didn't want to so you didn't believe us when we said it was completely confidential?

Speaker 3 49:26

No, no, no, of course not. Okay, okay, and that's fair, right? That's fair. And so it's good to know why, because there were a few people that did that chose not to. Um, I offered it because I felt like it'd be another place for you all to be able to talk it, talk through what you were going through with someone who was licensed and skilled and could give you tools. Um she said no. Yes, she said no, she said no.

Speaker 1 49:55

Yes, and um I really do, but it came the time, but um, yes, I think it it would be helpful, and if I would have you know taken advantage of it, yes. Okay, okay. Um the cave management, you know. I'm I'm not gonna say um, but I've been really thinking about this. I said, how could I what is there that I can help these other people that you know to get clean or think about you know that this is not the way they want to live over the rest of their life? Uh ways of helping the community and trying to see what you know make some changes. I want to see somebody that I've been with, you know, like in the encampment that not going through what they're going through now. So what have you come up with? What do you well? I'm still in the thought of trying to see how I can help or what I can do to see at least one person change. You know, because it would be nice.

unknown 50:52

Okay.

Speaker 1 50:54

Just one person.

Speaker 3 50:55

That's in my thought. Do you have a person in mind? So the person came to my mind, and I'll tell you when the live is over. Um, they're in Concord now. Um, and I can't remember what you and her relationship was on site, but you both were on the light side. Remember, it was the dark side, and oh yes, yes. And so you both were on, she was married. Um, but she's still housed, but she's struggling, from what I'm told. Um, and I think because you're a familiar face, right? And I'm not saying for you, I don't think, and I because I don't know how strong you feel that you are right now. So I don't know if you going to her house or just talking with her on the phone, maybe the phone would be the best like steps and sharing your testimony and how no one forced you, no one pushed you. It was something that you decided, um, and your outcome, it might be an encouragement to her and that maybe somewhere to start. Um, or just simply unfortunately, we see people on the street all the time, just talking to them and letting them know that they're seen, just like we let you know you were seen, even with and the thing is we can't hold things, right? So even when there were disagreements, I didn't hold it against anyone because I understood it wasn't the person its just the trauma that they're dealing with or not dealing with, rather, right? Um, and so it can be overwhelming. Um, and some some watching may be like, well, Ana is still trying to figure out how she has to pay her rent. So maybe she don't need to get overwhelmed with helping somebody else, right? Because you got different people with different perspectives that might be thinking. However, there's also those who, when they help others, they find strength within themselves because they feel like they're doing something purposeful, right? Um, and so I don't know if that's you. Do you feel like that's you?

Speaker 1 53:09

Yes. Okay, I do. And um, even though I I did try and help the first person already, which um it um he had a couple of strokes already. Okay.

Speaker 3 53:21

And someone from the encampment?

Speaker 1 53:22

Yes. Okay, yes, and I was very close to him, and I've been still staying in contact with his um his kids, trying to see how he's doing and uh because I did try and help him to stay clean when he came out of the hospital, but um it was very hard.

Speaker 3 53:41

Because, as you know, you can't help someone stay clean, they have to want it, right? Right, right, yeah. Because we can't do it for our family, we can't do it for our kids. It has to be something that, like you, you make the decision you were tired, right? And you were secluded from your family. So that was a piece that tug on you, and like you said earlier, um, that's not who you were, right? Right, like you knew better, but the addiction had just become more powerful than your willpower at the time, right?

Speaker 1 54:16

And so, um I think a lot of um it has to do with time of being away from the people that you've used with changing your environment. Yes, yes, it does, it does help, and at least until you um get yourself together, try and get yourself together and make yourself a little stronger, okay, to be able to say no. Okay, you know, because um, yeah, that took me a while. That's why it took me almost a year to come back to Richmond. Okay, yes, which a lot of people did not. I mean, a few people were not agreeing with me that oh no, you you know, this is your downfall going back. I said, but my kids are there. I have to be able to, you know, do this and uh so I really had to um talk to myself and ask myself, are you ready, you know, to do this and that? But I think that's this is why I say that I need to get into touch with trying to see if I help uh somebody else because I think that that will keep me strong.

Speaker 3 55:17

Okay, and then also who is in your community now? Like who are you hanging with? Who's around?

Speaker 1 55:23

I'm not I mean, I see a lot of the people that I was in the encampment with, but um, I just say hi by I don't I don't socialize with nobody like that.

Speaker 3 55:35

Because I know people who have been clean for years, and they're very protective of environments that they go in because again, we're people, and just like you may not have never thought that you would have even become addicted to meth, right? Right, but then there you were, right? And so you're clean for two years, but putting yourself in that environment could cause you to go back. Oh, yes, right, and so asking God to really give you wisdom and discernment, because my personal belief is that we can't do those things on our own. We need the power of the Holy Spirit to really, you know, help us with our self-control and to um to really just keep us delivered, right? Um, and so, but it does take work on your part, being intentional on who's around, where you're going, right? And some people, my grandmother couldn't understand why I came back to Richmond. I didn't have that, wasn't my you know, story, but she just for the life of her, right? It was like, why Richmond? Right. And so there's so much here. It's it's the joys and the disappointment here. Um, and so do you see yourself staying in Richmond for a long time or just until your kids are out of the house?

Speaker 1 57:05

Um, my my goal is to um move out of Richmond. Okay, yes, um, but not too far because I still like I say that I think that that would make me stronger to help the community and s somehow um reach somebody that will I can see change changing. Yes, yes, and um one thing that I gotta say is that the um after I left um my rehab when I came first came back to Richmond, um which was a very good program, um, the Barrier Rescue Mission. Yes, they have a very good, good um program that helps out I mean yes, it's good, but then I think that they need a little more of people coming in there to give those um ladies some more strength and okay yeah and hopes because they I mean it's a very good program for the people that are in there, but they need a little more people coming in there.

Speaker 3 58:08

So maybe that's something you can get connected with talking with Miss Rosa, who actually runs the women's program at the Bay Area Rescue Mission, seeing if you could do um like circle time, like you know, just circle girl chat, um, talking about your story and some of the tools that you learned in rehab and some of the things that you're doing to stay on track, right? Like even coming here to talk to me today about your story is very courageous, and I appreciate you being vulnerable because people get to hear your story, not my take on your story, but from from you, right? Um, and your story isn't over, and I'm excited to even see the next season of Anna um and the children, and so your daughter who um she got accepted to Fresno State, yes, um, and financially she couldn't continue until she came back home.

Speaker 2 59:16

Right.

Speaker 3 59:16

And did she go to community college?

Speaker 1 59:19

Um, no. Uh she went to uh Fresno State. I got to see her graduate, it was so beautiful.

Speaker 3 59:26

And um you graduate high school, yes.

Speaker 1 59:31

Yes, and um I was able to um get out of the program, actually leave, and they gave me that opportunity to go see her graduate because I was still in the program. And um and I got to see her graduate, and then but she went to Fresno State, which I didn't think that she was gonna actually leave her boyfriend of you know, time, but she actually did leave, and it was so nice, but it was so disappointing to see her not being able to make it, and that really brought her down. Okay, I seen that change in her, and I was like, Well, okay, well, can you tell them? Because I had just started working. I said, Well, can you just tell them that if they can wait for a little bit more that I could be able to help you, you know, to come up with that money? She's like, No, mom, no. Just she's like, I'll just do it some other time. I'll just you know, go back home. And she cried because her roommates, she was getting along with her roommates and we were in communication every day. She was, you know, trying to get adjusted to being over there. She was adjusting well, but and then all of a sudden she just said, No, mom, I'm just going back. Okay. Until I can and right now she's trying to um do because um she just got back from Mexico. From um, she went to go see her father after not seeing him for 10 years. Wow.

Speaker 3 1:00:58

And how old is she? Just for the listener, you know.

Speaker 1 1:01:01

She's 18.

Speaker 3 1:01:01

Okay, so she was eight the last time she saw him.

Speaker 1 1:01:04

The last time she saw him, and it was very emotional. And just to see the videos and the pictures of her, you know, hugging her father when she got there. It's been a very nice time for her. So she's taken that time that she's from when she left Fresno State to go see her father, and but now she's I told her, I said, You have to go back. So she's promised that she's gonna be able to do that. So have she applied for financial aid? Um, yes, I believe so.

Speaker 3 1:01:33

She recently needs some help with that. Yes, yes. Give her my number, okay, and I'll connect her with the right people.

Speaker 1 1:01:41

I did bring her bring her, bring you up in her conversation. I said, Um, you gotta talk to Vanessa. I said, when you come back, she just got back this week. Okay, yes, okay, okay.

Speaker 3 1:01:52

Was she open to talking to me? Oh, yes, okay, yeah, she is.

Speaker 1 1:01:55

She's like, Oh, really? You make contact with I said, Yes, we're in contact. She said, Okay. Okay, okay.

Speaker 3 1:02:03

So you all Anna, Anna, Anna. I'm so happy. Um, Ana, Ana Pineda. Um, if you have any questions, feel free to email um the episode, not the episode, the podcast, at w2lconsulting@ gmail.com. So that's w, the number two, the letter L consulting at gmail.com. We're gonna at the end of this season, we will have an opportunity to answer all your questions from past guests, some of your um ideas for future guests. But today was a special day because you've heard me talk about Castro, you heard me talk about Ana and her family last week, but they were the unnamed family, and to see them, to see her here. And so the next time you're driving down the street and you see an unhoused person or you see an encampment with campers and trucks and cars, think of Ana and her family and understand that those are real people with real traumas that deserve real opportunities, some compassion and love. And it doesn't mean we all have all the answers. And as you heard from Anna today, timing is everything. I wanted it when I wanted it for her, but she wasn't ready until she was ready. Her daughter wanted it for her when she wanted it for her, but she wasn't ready until she was ready. And so um, I just thank you, Ana, for letting us see the whole you. Thank you, I thank you for being vulnerable, sharing the hard parts. Um, and I know that you aren't at your goal yet, but you're so close. And so my encouragement would be don't give up. Keep holding on. Um, and so to everyone listening, you are in the middle of something hard right now. If you're trying to figure out how to stay upright, know that staying on your feet is not the same as having it all together. It just means you're still here, you're still standing and there's still hope. Thank you for being here today. This was episode eight of the social abuse podcast. Stay informed, get involved in your community, learn to ask the right questions. And remember a light has to be shed in order for darkness to be diminished. I am your host, Vanessa A. Callaway, and this is the Social Abuse Podcast. Until next time. Hi, thank you.